I won’t lie, it was hard work to keep the romance alive after having a baby. The dynamics of our relationship changed a lot when we became parents. It’s not that we stopped loving one another. Just that our priorities changed. We had extra room for more love for our son. We also found a new level of love for each other as we watched us evolve as parents.
Having worked opposite schedules for most of our relationship. We have always had to make a certain amount of effort to communicate and quality time together. So once baby arrived we had to reevaluate that once more.
We had already began using a Saturday night for Date night ahead of the baby’s arrival as it was only of only two evenings each week we had with each other. Once we were parents we protected this even more. With the support of family we attempt to do some form of adult only activity on a Saturday night. From dinner or drinks. To the cinema or sometimes even the shopping centre. We use this time to interact with each other but also with friends.
When you are in the thick of raising babies, its easy to become frustrated. You’re tired. The baby won’t stop crying. You feel like you’ve the one doing all the work. By becoming more frank with each other we found our communication improved. Perhaps it was that we don’t have the time to sulk or need the other person to pick up some slack. However we are now far more direct with each other. We also appreciate that each has their off day. We will argue and tell each other where to go. However once we do that draws a line under the matter and we move on. For more important issues we take the time to sit and discuss these things through
My husband actually didn’t get much of a choice on this. I was so ill after delivering our son that I wasn’t able to do even the most basic of tasks. He took up that responsibility allow me to rest, bond with the baby and heal
It actually helped our relationship loads as he came to appreciate all the things that have to be done to make sure the house operates. Are we fed, clothes are clean etc.
He has always been ready to help but now he has a better appreciation of what and why. We now work with a system that if one is taking care of the children the other will pick up the slack and undertake some domestic task that needs doing. If he see’s the washing basket is full, he’ll sort it and do a load. Although he is now banned for washing the baby’s clothes as the last 4 washes he has done, have successful turned everything blue!
We had very different parenting styles going into this. In some respects we still do. However we have taken the time to discuss why we want to do things a certain way, what the benefits are to us and give them the opportunity to see if they are successful. We make decisions together on how to handle certain situations and we try to blend both styles. Sometimes this is successful sometimes not. However we equally respect that we each have our own way and give the other the freedom to do what is most comfortable. Whilst offering support, suggestions or guidance, if one has a knack for something that other does.
So this one for us has come down to text messages. If we get adult time and aren’t too tired or stressed we will laugh and joke around (our kind of flirting) otherwise we make a point of sharing our thoughts and feelings through a quick text message when either of us has a second. If we waited to do it face to face there would always be a little toddler popping up in the middle or a mother-ln-law butting in lol.
In home dating – don’t get stuck on the sofa
Whilst we designated Saturday night as date night before our first son arrived. That doesn’t always mean we go out every weekend. Sometimes we don’t have anyone to babysit. Sometimes we just can’t be bothered. However that doesn’t mean we don’t make an effort. Sure we may well be curled up in our jogging bottoms. Yet if we are staying in on a Saturday, we make the effort to cook something nice or get a takeaway. We are both huge movie freaks so we pick a good movie and we will snuggle up. The fact we don’t have every evening on the sofa together does mean we don’t get stuck in a rut. However if we find we have spent far to many weekends in a row doing this. We will make a point of doing something different. Even if we are at home, we may play a game, have friends over and entertain or do an activity together we both want to do
Little things count and add up
When you are busy raising kids, you don’t really have the time or money for big romantic gestures. So we focus on the small day-to-day stuff. Letting one or the other sleep in. Doing the chores so the other person does have to. Taking a moment to say how good each other looks. Just making the effort to compliment each other twice a day can make the world of difference and mean more than a big old gesture anyway.
How do you keep the romance alive after having a baby? What’s you’ve secret trick