Motherhood is hard. It can be down right crappy at times. There are plenty of points no one tells you about before you become a mother. Things like how you will feel and the rollercoaster of emotions your will meet.
The not fun stuff
The comparing yourself to others and feeling like you can’t live up to it stuff.
The constant judging
So many of us spend so much of our efforts in motherhood, trying to blag it and make everyone else think we got it in the bag. There is this constant pressure to look like we’ve got motherhood nailed!
Because I’ve been an anxiety suffer since before I had my son, I am lucky enough to have already established some coping technics to help. That said, I never really factored in just how much motherhood could and would affect my anxiety level.
Whilst I was aware of my normal triggers. I never once thought that how often or the way my son breaths would become so overwhelming to me. That I would have to check him 20 times a night just to put my mind at ease. Of that I have a constant fear of whether the straps on his car seat are tight enough and if I recheck them to much that this fear progresses to whether they are then too tight.
I can no longer read social media feeds from other mums, raising concerns or awareness. It makes me feel awful and the panic and dread that rises is unreal. Nor can I watch fils relating to families, parents or children, especially if there are bad bits or horrid outcomes. Jez even some ad’s make me cry!
Worries ok. it’s part of the course. It’s what makes motherhood what it is. Also as I am reminded by my mother, it is something that will stay with you as a mother no matter what age your child is. When they are young you worry about the knocks and bumps or how school will be or if they will succeed. When they are teenagers you worry about what time they will be home, who they are with, whether they are safe. Even when they are adults you worry about how life is treating them and when grandkids come along you worry about these just the same.
This is all a perfectly normal part of motherhood. In fact not worrying about the normal concerns that every mother has is actually of more concern to the health professional.
I’m lucky, I learnt to deal with my anxiety a long time ago and have been successful in transferring those skills to my new set of worries. I have a great support systems and both my mother and my husband fully know and understand my anxiety and how I handle it. They are there for me to reach out to and air my feelings when I need to. However please don’t compare yourself to me. If your anxiety is becoming overpowering please reach out and to talk to someone. Don’t be ashamed.
If you don’t feel you have someone close who you want to share this with or who will listen you can contact
Anxiety UK which is a charity who can give you support. Their helpline number is 08444 775 774 (Mon-Fri 9.30am-5.30pm or their website www.anxietyuk.org.uk
Which ever route works for you, that’s fine, just be sure to voice your worries, share your thoughts and take care of yourself.
Taking care of tiny humans can be draining at the best of times, but doing it on empty is near impossible. So you’re not being selfish when you take me time. It’s majorly important to keep yourself refueled. clear-headed and focused. It means you are able to give them more of you. More so. taking time out actually will help you to manage your anxiety. It will give you the breathing space needed to clear your head, progress your thought and build your own coping mechanisms.
Learn to say no to people. That means all sorts of people. Say no to the kids when it’s too much pressure. No to your partner. To your parents. Your friends. Your boss. You stay in control of what you want and what you do. Furthermore, stop taking on more than you can handle and putting pressure on yourself for things that really aren’t that important. Get others to help if needed. Just do what is needed to stop you from becoming overwhelmed by everything.
What ever way you choose to handle your anxiety. Take it a step at a time. It’s not a race. Spend time making a plan. Break things down to manageable sizes. Don’t think about that to come in the future or worry about what has already been. Just focus on the here and now and being present in the moment.