An Open Letter to My Little Boy – I Miss You

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY SON

Dear Boo,

You are mummy’s number one man. You make me laugh, cry and scream all within the space of a few minutes. But I would never change that for the world.

You are only 23 months old but already the little baby I held in my arms so many times has gone. Replaced by a bright adventurous and fidgety little man who is ready to go off and explore the world… as long as mummy is there to hold your hand.

I know that our journey together has only really just began. There will be many more times ahead for us to make memories and for you to challenge me. But right now, this is one of the biggest challenges I am facing.

I miss you! I miss being able to spend an affinity of hours staring into your beautiful blue eyes. Projecting all my hopes and dreams onto you silently in my head. Holding your hand. The random cuddle or sudden need to climb all over me. I miss that too. Even though it drove me crazy when it was for the million time that day.

I know I still get to say goodnight to you. Kiss and cuddle you. I know that mummy holding your little hand as you prepare yourself for sleep.  Is one of the most important moments of your day. But I want to tell you, it’s mine too. It’s the moment I get my baby back for just a little second and the moment I get to have uninterrupted mummy and me time with you after all the craziness of our days.

Don’t get me wrong. I am glad you are ready to take on more outside of our four walls, I am glad you are finding your way into be playing with other children and that hopefully as you grow those friendships with grow too with you. I am grateful for the helping hand I now receive in teaching you and helping you learn. If ensuring you will make the right and not the wrong decisions and I am thankful for the extra time I now have, to make sure your washing is done, the house is a real home and that I might just maybe get to sit down and do a few hours work in silence…. But god I miss your tiny hands tugging on me to go play or trying to type on my keyboard as I am sending an important email.

I know you are on your way to a hugely successful and fun-filled life and I look forward to encouraging you and supporting you in your life’s choices. Soon your world will change and grow as you get to share in our joy of welcoming a sibling into the world. I hope that the two of your will become the best of friends.

This world is a tough one, which seems to be growing tougher by the day. I watch and wonder with anxiety about what world you will have to enjoy by the time you reach adulthood and I question everyday if we made the right decision to bring you into it. But it takes just one look at you to know we did. To know that it will be people like you who will change and reshape the world we have created. That if we raise you right with love and respect you will have the power to go forward and make your mark on this world.

A mark like you have made on my life. The beauty I now see that before I missed. The time I now take to slow a while and listen and watch. You have made my world such a beautiful and amazing place, just like I know you will this world.

I love you so much
Mummy x

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